I am involved in something of the sort, however, we do not spend our time trying to “fix” one another, but rather, comfort one another by continuously letting each other know that IF anything ever does need “fixing”, I (or she) will be right there beside her (or me), not to “fix” anything, but to let one another know that we are not alone, and it’s okay to be “weak” at times, and we don’t have to go at this life alone… It’s a partnership, a friendship, a loving relationship…..

However, I CAN and DO see how what you’ve address can become a VERY REAL problem… as it was this that nearly chased her away indefinitely during our first 7 months or so of getting to know one another until we were comfortable enough with one another to start actually dating.

I asked her recently if my “knowing” of (seemingly most) her “inner-workings” disturbs her at all, and she stated, “It used to, but just because it seemed so ‘unreal’ but the more i think about the reality of your gift…and mine, it’s terribly comforting…. i want you close to me…and you’re always there… if not physically, i still know that you are with me, and that keeps me calm no matter what life may throw at me… ”

I know this is an old post, but Anna, any thoughts on this?

Thanks for your support and love and all your great advice. You are one amazing lady.

Debbie

I loved reading your post! I totally reckon with what I read as I am going through the very process of empowering myself by loving myself that much more. I have made the very same commitments to myself and am taking charge of my life and emotions. You couldn’t have said it better and gosh! it feels GOOD!!!!!!

I am glad to have discovered your blog

Thank-you for sharing……I had a very long dance with a brooding Scorpio….who harped on my “lack” of humility and extreme strength…..sigh….It took a while to unplug from the need to please and try to be less than for his comfort……but now I feel I’ve set a standard for relating in my romances…..
I still appreciate Scorpios….some of them feel wonderfully loving…..I remember my gut reaction when I met him…..he’s lovely but trouble…too many politics….and yet I still managed to slip into the abyss…..I learned to trust myself more….my intuition. Your other examples were experiences I also had….but the brooding scorp….was the most painful to my sense of well-being. We can’t even be friends and I tried…… I learned to accept myself completely……
Now I’d like to create more committment …..perhaps if I keep my promise to myself and actually stop smoking….sigh….I’ve broken that promise to myself a lot……….when I have stopped and gone back to it
…but your post gives me inspiration about why it’s important to how the world is relating to me…
.Thank -you

Love the way you describe the ‘Let-me-abuse-you-because-you-need-it’ dynamic. Have been there too, and yep, realised that in wanting something from them, was also “using” them in a way.

However, in my experience, this wasn’t a bad relationship, it was an experience of growth, and we both ended up evolving enormously within the relationship – right past the abusive nature of it.

Now that relationship is one of unconditional love and support.

Growing to this stage took a combination of yoga, meditation, awareness and therapy, but boy was it worth it.

Namaste,
KL
.-= Kara-Leah´s last blog ..Wellington Hot Yoga Teacher: Manu Moana =-.

I believe it boils down to a feeling of not being on equal ground with the other person, that somehow you need help, advice, fixing, anything.

For myself, I’ve found it’s important to look at my own role in such a relationship.

I know that in the past (and hopefully not again) that there’s a little part of me that “wants” something from the other person. Which really does open the door for abuse. Because when you “want” something from someone, you’re just using them to get what you want. And if that’s the case, they’re likely using you in some way; it’s therefore not about love, and it probably won’t turn out well.

It is so true that, like you said, relationships are a reflection of our inner being.

It can be very hard to admit, however. It’s easier to feel victimized. Or to say to oneself that a bad relationship is a growth relationship, which is also untrue.